Love is only a Feeling

Love is only a feeling. People feel love like they feel anger, sadness, happiness. It is just an emotion. It comes and it can go just in a blink of an eye. 

You,

You told me that I don't love you any more. Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't. Maybe the feeling is lost. I was tired and I gave up. Maybe I gave up the feeling too. But one thing I know is that I still care about you. I will be there for you if you need me. For the right reasons. You can't stop caring for someone just like that. I thought I missed you. But I don't know if I actually do any more. You were my routine. I used to see you everyday, I used to kiss you everyday, I used to talk to you everyday. You were my routine and now I'm just trying to get used to a different routine. I will always find my way to being happy. I will always find my way to smile.

I believe there is someone out there for everyone. I believe we are not for each other. I believe you deserve someone better than me. She would love your son as much as you do. She would be the housewife you wanted. She would wait for you. I also believe I deserve someone better than you. Someone who would give me my freedom when I need it. He would love me. He would trust me. He would understand me. He would take the time and put in the effort to get to know me. He would accept me for who I am. I believe you are not that person. You can buy me the world. But money can't buy feelings. Money can't buy my love. I wanted you until I realized I don't want you any more. 

Call me a slut if you see me with another guy. Call me ungrateful, call me a bitch, call me whatever you want. Like I said I will always find my way to happiness. I don't sleep around just so you know. I like going out with people. Men or women. I like meeting new interesting people. I like talking to people I don't know. Yes you don't know anything about me. You never took the time to get to know me. You never put in the effort because you were afraid. You shouldn't be afraid. I wanted to try again. I wanted to feel that love again. That 'spark'. But it couldn't happen. That love feeling was no where to be found since the day you told me that I wanted only your money. I never wanted anything from you but your trust. As I said, you never took the effort to get to know me. 

I believe I will be happy one day. I believe I will find that person. Until then, I will find my happiness everyday. I will not crash and burn. I've realized that I am stronger than I every thought I was. Yes my heart is numb. There is a wall barrier guarding it. To not let anyone close to it. Until it's worthy. That would not be any time soon. But I will be happy. Today, tomorrow, until the day I die. Don't worry about me and what I would do. Worry about yourself. Take care of yourself. Don't make decisions based on your feelings. Think about yourself. Like I said I will always be here for you. But for the right reasons only. Sleep with someone else if you have to. I believe sex is just a physical act. Not love. Just be safe and don't let her break your heart. 

6.01pm 

6/14/2012

e.n.d

And then it was over
Just take the time
Have the freedom
Enjoy the fun
And hope for the best

numb

yes another day but the feeling is the same...
it always comes back to this...
my heart, my face, my feelings, my body is numb
emotionally, mentally, physically gone wrong and have nothing left to be happy about

wanna stay up high and never come down

I've realized lately that I have completely lost it. I can't recall all the good things in life anymore, lost sight of what this life really is about. It's just this person so called God playing puppets with us, driving me insane. Chris Martin said it's a beautiful world... He's probably right but with fucked up people fucking it up.
If it wasn't for family, I would rather choose not to be here anymore. Why live when you feel fucked most days. Some people just can't wait to give life. Why? Why bother giving life in this beautiful world with horrible things inside it...
horrible people
horrible disasters
lies
love
control
Yes im rambling, probably because it's 4am or maybe i just really am giving up...
Goodnight all and have pleasant dreams.. tomorrow is another fucked up day

Loving my life

So.... i quit my job few months ago :) And now working at Publicis Groupe as off last Monday

But

More interesting!!

Daddy met Syed and approved everything as long as i dont convert which means Miracles do happen :)

Love this! This week is gonna be LEGENDARY and nothing is gonna come in my way

Stay away bitches

Prepare yourself

Syed Annuar My Love,

See the bite marks in this picture? I am going to GIGIT your BONTOT later!!

You VAIT!!

A Love Letter

Yes this is a real love letter because no one does this anymore.. The romance has gone from teasing through letters, and the wondering and the mystery straight to 'physical act' at your first few date..

Anyway it's never too late to tell someone how much you love the person and to put it in words

The love of my life Syed Annuar Barakbah,

Baby how did you make me love you this much in just a short time. This 5 months been amazing (okay maybe 4 and a half months of AMAZING) but i would never change a thing because i loved every second of it. Every second i was with you and every second thinking of you.

I just want to say thank you for everything. Thank you for the time you spend on me. Thank you for doing anything possible to make me happy. Thank you for making mommy love you. Thank you for taking care of me and knowing what is good for me. Thank you for being my gangsta. Thank you for being my sweet baby.

Yes i will take all the times you nag at me, i'll take Julian and Surej calling me Dayangku Sarina every goddamnday, i would do anything anything i can for you. I promise you I will love you for as long as i can.

I'll see you in a bit big boy :) No mabuks tonight okay?