You,
You told me that I don't love you any more. Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't. Maybe the feeling is lost. I was tired and I gave up. Maybe I gave up the feeling too. But one thing I know is that I still care about you. I will be there for you if you need me. For the right reasons. You can't stop caring for someone just like that. I thought I missed you. But I don't know if I actually do any more. You were my routine. I used to see you everyday, I used to kiss you everyday, I used to talk to you everyday. You were my routine and now I'm just trying to get used to a different routine. I will always find my way to being happy. I will always find my way to smile.
I believe there is someone out there for everyone. I believe we are not for each other. I believe you deserve someone better than me. She would love your son as much as you do. She would be the housewife you wanted. She would wait for you. I also believe I deserve someone better than you. Someone who would give me my freedom when I need it. He would love me. He would trust me. He would understand me. He would take the time and put in the effort to get to know me. He would accept me for who I am. I believe you are not that person. You can buy me the world. But money can't buy feelings. Money can't buy my love. I wanted you until I realized I don't want you any more.
Call me a slut if you see me with another guy. Call me ungrateful, call me a bitch, call me whatever you want. Like I said I will always find my way to happiness. I don't sleep around just so you know. I like going out with people. Men or women. I like meeting new interesting people. I like talking to people I don't know. Yes you don't know anything about me. You never took the time to get to know me. You never put in the effort because you were afraid. You shouldn't be afraid. I wanted to try again. I wanted to feel that love again. That 'spark'. But it couldn't happen. That love feeling was no where to be found since the day you told me that I wanted only your money. I never wanted anything from you but your trust. As I said, you never took the effort to get to know me.
I believe I will be happy one day. I believe I will find that person. Until then, I will find my happiness everyday. I will not crash and burn. I've realized that I am stronger than I every thought I was. Yes my heart is numb. There is a wall barrier guarding it. To not let anyone close to it. Until it's worthy. That would not be any time soon. But I will be happy. Today, tomorrow, until the day I die. Don't worry about me and what I would do. Worry about yourself. Take care of yourself. Don't make decisions based on your feelings. Think about yourself. Like I said I will always be here for you. But for the right reasons only. Sleep with someone else if you have to. I believe sex is just a physical act. Not love. Just be safe and don't let her break your heart.
6.01pm
6/14/2012
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